Mind Your Own Business, Or Not?

54 thoughts on “Mind Your Own Business, Or Not?”

1. I think hindsight tells us more than foresight, when it comes to profiling and guessing intentions. Otherwise, everybody’s a suspect and free speech becomes “what you say, can and will be used against you …” 🙂
   .-= Check out J.D. Meier´s awesome post: 3 Ways to Know Something =-.

   1. Hi J.D,

      That’s very true. Hindsight does tell us more than foresight and with the latter, as you said, we’re guessing. It makes me wonder if we can truly see the “writing on the wall”.

2. Oh wow, this is such a tricky, touchy subject. The best I can do for an answer is every situation is different and I’d have to decide on a case by case basis. On a more personal scale, I’ve known situations where posters on forums have had CPS contacted because of fear of child abuse and a case where local police were called because of suicide threats.

   I’ve also known cases where people went on witch hunts and set out to ruin reputations and in the process scare the pants off of the acquaintances of the people they were out to get.

   One thing that jumps to mind is if you found something that you felt should be reported where would you report it? And if they aren’t doing anything that breaks any law, just words, what could be done about it? I agree with JD, hindsight does tell more than foresight.
   .-= Check out Tracy´s awesome post: I have obtained a copy of Just Busted =-.

   1. Hi Tracy,

      Wow! You’ve seen your share of situations.

      Based on what some share online, I can see how CPS (Child Protective Services) or even the police might get involved. But like you asked, who would be the right person or agency if what we found could be interpreted as more, such as a threat to national security or …? I’m guessing the FBI or CIA (in the States).

3. I am not sure if it would help if authorities have an online form whereby the public can send in info about suspicious characters’ twitter, blog, facebook messages. Will it take too much time and resources to track all the reports on the part of the authorities? Maybe there can be some kind of filter built in for certain “terrorist” words that can help pinpoint the appropriate message to focus on for action.
   .-= Check out Evelyn Lim´s awesome post: My Gratitude To You =-.

   1. Hi Evelyn,

      I’m sure policing the internet could be a major undertaking, but from what I understand, there are some search terms that can initiate an investigation. Years ago I read a story about a woman who emailed a friend and said her son’s football game bombed and unknowingly got put on a watch list because she had used the word “bomb”. Yikes!

4. Rut ro.

   This is a toughie, teach.

   I guess it depends on:

   The content

   How I got there

   Links leading away from the site

   My mood (sorry to say)

   These will be interesting comments to watch.

   George
   .-= Check out George Angus´s awesome post: Ebooks VS Paper: It’s Not All Or Nothing, Folks =-.

   1. Hi George,

      I agree. This is a toughie. I like how you questioned “how did I get there” and what “links are leading away from the site”. That could make a difference. And yes, our mood could come into play, too. Some days…..

5. I can’t see myself getting in a situation like this.

   I don’t generally do forums or chat and the forums that I do go to are tech related or are frequented by mature, stable individuals.

   If I stumble into a place where something like that might happen, it usually doesn’t interest me to the point I want to stay around long enough to be able to identify a problem.

   Plus, I think there would be a lot of static out there for officials to filter through. There is likely, I’d think, a lot of people out there who are all words and no action.
   .-= Check out Mike Goad´s awesome post: Cold weather and book burning =-.

   1. Hi Mike,

      I hear you. Landing on sites where something like “that” is being discussed is not likely to happen to me, either.

      You’re right. Many could be voicing falsehoods online, especially since they can say “whatever” anonymously.

6. The internet is so big and there’s so much going on in it, so much real and so much fake posting and news; it becomes like movies, and like them, if we start seeing threats in words we most likely will end up like in the radio transmission of “The War Of The World”

   To me, and I believe for most people, it’ll be really dificult to see the difference some times between a comedy post and a threatening one; you can see that in jokes and comedy presented in posts, articles, videos in YouTube, etc.

   If we, with a justified reason of protecting each other, start looking for ghost we are most likely to end up in witch hunts.

   What I’ve seen is that for people in my age (I’m 47) posting is something to take seriusly and not to write whatever comes to mind because is going worldwide and words must be measure, but for younger people internet is their medium and they reflect their thoughts and feeling with ease, and sometimes we tend to take too seriuosly what they post.

   I would be more alarmed if a 15 years old kid get worried about a post than I would be of my own worries.

   Raul
   .-= Check out Alien Ghost´s awesome post: Being Childish =-.

   1. Hi Raul,

      That’s true. The age of online publishers can make a huge difference. I see it on Facebook and some blogs.

      Like you said, at times it’s hard to disseminate between someone who is being serious vs someone who is just joking around. At first glance it could look like a serious matter, but by digging deeper we could find out it’s all a sham.

7. Honestly, it’s a very difficult question to answer. We cannot really know what on the mind of other people as well as his/her personality. I don’t know if I can have the position to judge. It’s very hard to assume. 🙂
   .-= Check out Walter´s awesome post: Words are never enough =-.

   1. Hi Walter,

      Isn’t that the truth? By assuming we know what someone else is thinking, just by their written word, we could have it all wrong. Unfortunately, that could be good, or bad.

8. Though I respect free speech, if I read something someone wrote that’s threatening to someone in particular, the public or themselves (e.g. someone that sounds suicidal), I feel like I have the obligation to take action.

   There are so many variables in this. My answer is, “it depends”.
   .-= Check out Carla´s awesome post: Its the end! =-.

   1. Hi Carla,

      “It depends” covers it, doesn’t it? With the possibility of so many scenarios, it becomes more than yes or no answer.

9. I think that we should focus on kindness. No, we aren’t cops. No, we aren’t counsellors. But sometimes showing kindness can change a great deal. Often, impolite persons, are projecting their own issues on us…

   I remember a study they did about children running away from children homes and foster care units in the UK. There were many reasons, but one that was present in most cases was “somebody did not listen to me”.

   So please, be kind, perhaps you could touch a life.

   (and Barbara, I use tumblr, so if you could please include tumblr in your share and enjoy! options 🙂 )
   .-= Check out Miguel de Luis´s awesome post: 2 =-.

   1. Hi Miguel,

      I agree. Kindness goes a long way. Just as we discussed in “The Power of A Post” post, our words can help or hurt.

      Thank you for sharing the story of the children in the UK. It’s sad to hear they were running away because they weren’t being listened to. Unfortunately those experiences can end up affecting them for the rest of their lives.

      P.S. I added Tumblr to the bookmarks at the bottom of the post. 🙂

10. Hi Barbara .. generally I’d move on so quickly, so I wouldn’t know if there was serious intent behind it .. I just simply didn’t like the content, or the ‘feel’ being given off.

    As I don’t have kids, and use my common sense, I would hope that I could avoid ever having one of these issues. Similarly in real life.

    It is ‘difficult’ living in a democratic society and radicalisation is bringing peoples, or groups of to the fore that common sense would say shouldn’t be allowed to air their views .. I have my personal view points and openness ..

    If I spot something that I consider serious – I’d do something about it – what I’m not sure .. I ‘defriend’ some people – because I can’t take their views .. somehow we need help people get over their anger and angst.

    Thanks Barbara – interesting topic –
    Hilary Melton-Butcher
    Positive Letters Inspirational Stories
    .-= Check out Hilary´s awesome post: How are the Incense Trail, Skyscrapers and the San Francisco fishing fleet connected? =-.

    1. You’re welcome Hilary,

       That’s a good point. When we’re moving so quickly around the internet, we may never spend enough time on a questionable site to figure anything out, but like you said, if we did, a sense of obligation would (maybe, for some) propel us to do “something”.

11. This is an incredibly difficult question to answer. It really does depend on the circumstances. If someone looked as if they needed help, of course I would do what I can to help. If it was something more sinister then it would be right to bring it to someone’s attention. However, we are living in an age where people are being increasingly monitored and policed and the idea of also playing ‘policeman’ on someone else doesn’t feel right to me. So it is a really tricky question.

    1. Hi Uplift Antidote,

       I know what you’re saying. Although we’re online, that doesn’t make us “police of the internet”. The circumstances would definitely make a difference, but like you said, if someone truly needed help (even if it’s a word of encouragement), most of us would do what we could.

12. Hmm….and to whom would I report it? That question alone is enough to make me squirm.

    Because the internet is beyond huge (think cyber universe).

    The opinions expressed are as different as night and day.

    Actual sites are easy to find and ignore or recommend to others to ignore because of content.

    Private forums not geared to hate, fanaticism, religious superiority,etc. are not going to get the kind of rants and threats that are revealed ‘after the fact/action’.

    Now, if I personally receive a threatening email/Facebook message/LinkedIn message/blog post comment, etc. That will be printed. If frightened or concerned enough I would call the local police, then have them escalate as they see fit. The only reason I would print it is to have solid evidence – yes, everything typed onto the Internet stays on the Internet, but as a researcher I know how difficult it can be to find a little tidbit floating in the cyber universe.

    Hmm, I hope I’ve answered the question! LOL Got a bit wordy.

    1. Hi Charlene,

       Yes. Cyberspace is HUGE.

       I like your idea of keeping printed records of anything we receive that could be deemed as threatening. Knowing others have been stalked and have had their lives threatened, we can never be too cautious. Documentation in those instances becomes crucial. And like you said, it would be much harder finding the information after the fact.

13. I would have to agree with those that said it would be on a case by case matter. I’m all about minding my own business…until my personal “radar” goes off.

    Regarding “terrorist” situations or the potential of…, what one person may consider to be “suspicious behavior”, another may not.

    In personal situations where there is a strong indication (warning signs) of some form of abuse going on within a family, I don’t mind my own business or hesitate to call the authorities and make a report.

    We hear far too many news reports of CPS having been called to a home to investigate possible abuse over and over again, but it’s often AFTER a child has been brutally attacked and/or killed where hindsight stands up and screams from the rooftops.

    Same thing with abusive relationships or domestic violence cases, where reports are made to the police because of an actual threat of violence, but the police can’t/don’t do anything to protect the victim before the threat is carried out. When the victim ends up dead or seriously injured at the hands of his/her abuser, the ol’ “coulda, shoulda, woulda” scenario of hindsight being 20/20 becomes far too real for their friends/family etc.

    “Terrorist” threats are taken very seriously and investigated/acted on as soon as the threat becomes known, but in other types of situations, the authorites ‘mind their own business’ and can’t/don’t do much of anything until………..the threat is carried out.

    Then the after-the-fact business of cleaning up the mess (and covering a$$es starts) but families are already destroyed.
    .-= Check out Lin´s awesome post: Abused Men: Battered and Emotionally Abused Male Victims of Domestic Violence =-.

    1. Hi Lin,

       What you said is so true. Often it’s too little, too late. Reading your comment saddens me. When we look at the “system” and how a threat needs to be carried out before action is taken, is appalling. So in the meantime, victims continue to get abused, children get hurt, the elderly suffer, pets are harmed, and/or people die. Then, as you so graciously put it, the covering of a$$es starts…

       P.S. I noted your latest post on a similar topic. I’ll be by shortly to read it.

14. This reminds me of the time, years ago, when i came across a website that purported to sell human meat. I investigated the site thoroughly with the intention of reporting them to the FBI (if in the US) or CIA (if outside the US), but I never found much information and didn’t ultimately report it.

    Years later I saw it on Scope as a scam used to sell T-shirts. Apparently the macabre T-shirts sold well.

    If I were to run across a hate-filled diatribe against a large group of people, such as from a terrorist, I think I would need to report it, because it could be nothing, but it could potentially save a lot of lives to report it.
    .-= Check out Dot´s awesome post: Comment on Blogging in 2010 by Jannie Funster =-.

    1. Hi Dot,

       Ewww! Selling human meat? That’s awful. All of that for a T-shirt?

       You’ve raised a good point Dot. Even if a site wasn’t what we thought it was, it would be wise to report it and let the authorities check it out. Better safe than sorry.

15. Hi Barbara – Fabulous topic. Some thoughts, in no particular order:

    I see a big reluctance to judge – perhaps a backlash from over-judging in the past and the negative connotations associated with that – that seems akin with a reluctance to get involved. Unfortunately, with that reluctance comes a diminished ability for society/community to self-police and maintain standards of appropriate behavior as well as identify and anticipate deviant behavior. If it takes a village to raise a child in some ways, then it should also be the responsibility of the village to keep its members adhering to good values and behaviors. And individuals the community encounters who aren’t its members. Back in the day we didn’t dare misbehave in the neighborhood because we knew Mrs. So-and-so would be on the phone to our mother or come out and administer the dressing-down herself. And our mother would have approved.

    I echo the sentiments of those who wonder to just what authority would reports be made? If a community (or a nation, or a group, or whatever) is abdicating responsibility for self-policing, then presumably it’s turning over that responsibility to some sort of other governance, unless the community advocates eventual chaos. That abdication means a loss of individual liberty for the collective.

    Lori Hoeck reminds us at Think Like a Black Belt to trust our own intuition. If it looks, walks and talks like a threat, it’s probably a threat. Or at the very least it needs a wake-up call that it’s probably not the greatest idea to be seen as a threatening poseur.

    The older I get the more ornery I may seem about these kinds of things. I’m just not willing to accept the drama a faker might utilize and I hate bullies. But I really get fired up when it seems as though someone might deliberately choose to diminish their own empowerment because an ideology-based admonishment against intolerance has been unreasonably distorted.
    .-= Check out Betsy Wuebker´s awesome post: My Three Words for 2010 =-.

    1. Thank you Betsy,

       LOL. You were raised exactly as I was. NOTHING went unnoticed or unreported to our parents. It was like all of the neighbors and townspeople were watchdogs. No complaints, though.

       You’ve raised a good point, Betsy. Do we as individuals who spend a lot of time online “have authority” to report something suspicious? And if we did, would it be taken seriously? Or like Lin commented, would we be told nothing can be done until the threat was followed through on?

16. The first question is “Who do I report it to?”.

    I have reached out to people who seemed to need support (because of something they said on their blog) through comments. I have never come across something bigger than that, but if I did, I’m not sure I would know what to do with the information.

    Whoever gets the report needs to care enough to do something about it. I don’t have control over that part though. I only have control over what I do.

    Sometimes helping someone is as simple as letting them know that what they are saying sounds threatening/scary/suicidal/etc. They may not see these qualities in themselves and it might help them to seek help or make a change.

    I would like to say that we have a responsibility to each other as people. However, I think that we should each do as much reaching out (or reporting) as we feel comfortable doing.

    Thanks for raising these questions, Barbara.
    .-= Check out Daphne´s awesome post: Word of the Year =-.

    1. You’re welcome Daphne,

       Who something would be reported to would depend on what was found. If it was a local matter, then it would probably become a police matter, but if it was bigger than that, in the States I’d say the FBI or CIA.

       I like your suggestion of letting a blog author know their words how their words are being interpreted. Like you said, sometimes they don’t see “it”.

       I echo what you said about fellow bloggers. Sometimes they need a kind word or words of encouragement and it’s only right that we show them our support.

17. Hi Barbara,

    This is such a tough question to answer because I do not think there is one set solution for such situations.

    What may be normal ranting for one person, could mean something very serious to another. We just have no idea what is truly going on in the minds of another person without fully understanding their story. So maybe if there story was quite clear and you could get a sense of who they are, then maybe it would be wise to help them.

    Plus in order for any government official to act they need probable cause and would a blog post pass that test? I really do not know.

    Another thought that comes to mind is that people could easily report someone simply because they do not like them or because they are racist or homophobic or nationalist or a religious extremist…so how do we know if a report is coming from sincere intentions?

    It is such a slippery slope!
    .-= Check out Nadia – Happy Lotus´s awesome post: Deja Vu All Over Again: Personal Journey 2.0, My Poetry Book & A Very Important Question For You =-.

    1. Hi Nadia,

       It is indeed, a slippery slope.

       And you’re right. Anyone could file a report for whatever reason. And because that undoubtedly happens, I’m sure that which does get reported is often ignored. I can’t imagine how someone could physically follow every “lead” knowing the reportee may have a hidden agenda.

       Now I’m wondering, is there an internet police force?

18. This is truly a hard post for me to respond to as I have just barely dug myself out of my sister making felony charges against me to Adult Protective Services, Even though the charges were investigated, dropped as unfounded, within two weeks – I was not informed of them until my Ordination was suspended and the State canceled my counseling lic. and I was denied malpractice insurance. It has taken lots of work by 3 lawyers and myself – not to mention thousands of dollars to remedy. All the while unable to earn money.

    Because I testified as a medical ethicist in several cases against insurance companies, most of my spam on my blog is from folks calling me names and telling me our President is a Socialist – I get thousands of spam a day – I turn those folks into google through my IT person.

    Even my youngest child turned me in to the crossing guard at school for yelling and hitting her and we had to go to 6 counseling sessions – She learned at age 5 that somethings your friends suggest can have big consequences. I have a record for being an aggressive parent in the schools.

    I was also able to figure out that one of my child’s friend was pimping girls at school for sex with business men she met at the mall…Private Detectives are expensive but sometimes very helpful.

    Life goes both ways.

    I think people who are caring and thinking will use their skills well…and know what to do. And I truly believe that most folks do their very best and operate with their best intentions in most situations.
    .-= Check out Patricia´s awesome post: Inner Productivity: a Mindful Path to Efficiency and Enjoyment in Your Work =-.

    1. Hi Patricia,

       I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that and continue to get bombarded with spam on your blog. My heart goes out to you.

       I’m with you. I think most people will use their skills well and do what’s best for all concerned.

19. What?! Am I the only one with the local FBI office, local media, and the county law enforcement center on my cell phone contact list?

    Not that I’m Betsy’s Mrs. So and So (thanks for the plug!), but I live in an area filled with regular and top secret military bases, a bunch of correctional facilities — including Supermax, a large dam, a major power plant, and a mustard gas depot awaiting disposal.

    Usually, I follow the old West rule: “Help someone in need, but as much as you can stay out of their business.” In this day in age, we need to have an extra awareness and a more wary eye. If I received an intuitive red flag over something online, yes, I’d take a closer look. I must also add, though, I’m not going looking for it!

    Great topic, Barbara.
    .-= Check out Lori Hoeck´s awesome post: Do you know your bad guys? =-.

    1. Thank you Lori,

       I like your rule – “Help someone in need, but as much as you can stay out of their business.” That sums it up perfectly.

       And I’m with you Lori, I’m not going looking for “it” either.

20. Wow. This is a tough one and I haven’t thought about it before. I don’t think I ever came across anything suspicious as in “could they be dangerous?” so I guess it’s not too common… I’m sure I’ll be more aware now!
    .-= Check out vered | blogger for hire´s awesome post: Fat People Not Welcome =-.

    1. Hi Vered,

       You know, I hadn’t thought of this subject until I heard these stories on the news. It made me realize how easy it is to publish “whatever” online and have it overlooked.

21. A terrorist can’t destroy our way of life – bad laws passed by bad governments as a kneejerk reaction to terrorism on the other hand, are almost perfectly designed to do this.
    .-= Check out BoA music fan´s awesome post: BoA – Mamoritai: White Wishes (video) =-.

    1. Hi BoA Music Fan,

       That’s a good point. Now if we can just get the government to understand that.

22. Believe it or not, Barbara I have never been in a chat room or a forum. Well, maybe I was in a forum a couple times for WordPress advice, but not in the past year. But yes — I would definitely report something if someone was planning something to hurt others. You bet!
    .-= Check out Jannie Funster´s awesome post: Funny Typos, “Like A Bord on A Wire,” 14 =-.

    1. Hi Jannie,

       Like you, I’ve never been in a chat room either. Although I’ve read forums get out of hand, all in all, ones like WordPress are quite helpful.

23. Hi Barbara! If I thought for a minute that lives were in danger I’d blow whistles! I think it’s pathetic that we have all this “intelligence” (misnomer) that people are on “suspected” terriorists list, or being watched but do nothing. To me, if that is the case, they NEVER get on an airplane anywhere – and the unfortunate nut job at Ft. Hood should have been in restraints by virtue of his association with the terrorists. What happened to guilt by association? Perhaps we need to revisit our laws a bit? And immigration? And free speech rights for those who shout Kill Americans while they are (duh) LIVING HERE???

    1. Hi Suzen,

       I hear you. Although this wasn’t meant to be a political post, what we see in our everyday life is worth mentioning. Should we revisit our laws? Definitely!

24. I wouldn’t report something unless it was obviously illegal. Almost anything that anyone writes can be taken the wrong way by someone. Yes, by reporting something, *maybe* lives will be saved but it is more likely that an innocent person will be hurt. Honestly, it sounds like a 1984 – big brother report on your neighbor type of scenario to me.
    .-= Check out Kim Woodbridge´s awesome post: 12 Silly and Pointless Facebook Groups =-.

    1. Hi Kim,

       You’re right. Words written by others can be misinterpreted and innocent people could be put in harm’s way. Hopefully those who go looking realize this and aren’t crying “wolf” unnecessarily.

25. Hi Barbara – I think I would report it if it looked really dangerous, but I also doubt I would come across something like that – I have enough trouble keeping up with regular bloggers! – heh heh.

    I’ve decided to close my blog, Barbara – and I just want to thank you for the huge contribution you have made to my blogging life – through your comments, through the info on this blog, and through the community you have bulit up here. Thank you!

    I know we will still stay connected on Facebook, so it isn’t really goodbye.

    love from Rob
    .-= Check out Robin´s awesome post: My Last Blog Post =-.

    1. You’re welcome Robin,

       Thank you for coming by and sharing your news with me. I will certainly miss seeing your smiling face in blogosphere and reading your words of wisdom.

       I wish you and Frank all of life’s best as you journey on.

       P.S. I’ll look for you on Facebook. (I’m sad now 🙁 )

26. Quite a tricky subject.If I stumble on a blog/website that has illegal content on it there is a possibility I would report it.Some things are just so wrong that you need to do something about it.Also, as Kim Woodbridge pointed out, things can be wrongly understood and if you are not fluent in English there is a higher risk for this.

    1. Hi Tom,

       Yes, it is a tricky subject. I’m guessing some sites would be obvious, but others could leave us wondering. Language plays a huge part, doesn’t it?

27. I don’t think that we only mind our own business that’s why we’re not doing anything at all. Is just that we really don’t want to get involve with the situations like your example, for instance. Maybe, that is a part of our self-centered attitude, which limit us from giving other people the necessary attention that they need. We must learn how to communicate well with other people by simply not focusing on our personal need, feelings, etc. Awareness is the key here!
    .-= Check out Harrison Stuart´s awesome post: Spying on Your Spouse’s PC- Right or Wrong? =-.

28. Such interesting post you got in there. Whether to mind your own business or not depends on the situation. If you think that it would really cause harm to a lot of people, we should interfere or report something, i am not saying that we should be judgmental or something but we have intuition and we should use our intuition wisely. We are not lunatics not to know the real situation right? Interesting article indeed.

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