The definition of a gossip is someone who reveals personal, and sometimes intimate information (true or not) about others, often sensationalized to make the story more interesting and exciting.
It’s not uncommon to read gossip or see videos online of politicians or celebrities. Often, the person written about/filmed doesn’t have a chance to defend themselves, say they would rather not have a story shared, or issue a rebuttal.
In some cases they don’t even know the story/video exists.
Some will say, “If you’re in the public eye, you’re fair game.”. “It’s the cost of stardom.”
What about those NOT in the public eye? Are they fair game to be written about/filmed? Gossiped about?
Today’s Lesson
As bloggers we love to share what we know. We often tell stories of our past, our present and our dreams for the future. Our stories are online. We put ourselves in the public eye of blogosphere.
But, how detailed should the information be when others are involved in “our story”? Should we name names? Should we only hint at whom we’re talking about? Or should we completely avoid writing about others?
According to the comments on “Come Out, Come Out, Where Ever You Are”, most bloggers admit they are quite transparent. However, does that mean we need to expose our friends, family or fellow bloggers? Share stories that affected their lives that are told to us in confidence? Include their mishaps in order make our posts sound more interesting, funny and/or believable?
What if someone takes our words and use them against that person? What happens when what we write creates a rift between them and us? What happens when our words cause us, or others to lose jobs or relationships? What happens when what we wrote isn’t the complete truth?
We can apologize and beg for forgiveness, but the story will remain “somewhere” on the world wide web forever, even if we delete it.
We need to ask, “is it worth it”?
Today’s Assignment
Do you think there’s ever a time when it’s proper to “name names” in our blogs?
Should we ask permission before we include stories on our blogs that shares the experiences of others?
Have you ever gossiped about or shared photos of someone else, only to later regret it?
Please feel free to share your thoughts.
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Photo Credit: speartoons
Being transparent about yourself doesn’t mean that you are transparent about the people you interact with as well. Also, something like “Today I ran into Charlie today and he looked fine” and “Today Samatha told me about her chronic depression and suicidal thoughts” are in totally different leagues.
If I’m going to talk about a friend who is a blogger who reveals everything about himself on his blog, I wouldn’t hesitate to use his real name. In fact, I’d include a link to his blog. If it’s about an artist I know that wants her work to be seen, I’d mention that as well. However, with someone that doesn’t have a web presence already, or doesn’t like to share too much, then I won’t do that for them either. I might even consider changing their names and certain details too so even mutual friends aren’t able to guess.
Kelvin Kao´s last blog post..A Muppet Christmas: Letters to Santa
When I started blogging I wondered this question and when faced with a situation where I don’t know the answer for 100% certainty, I always ask. Therefore, I do not name my friends or family in my blog unless I asked them. Even if I don’t use their name, I still ask if I can use their story on my blog. It’s a decision I am glad I made from the beginning. Happy Monday!
Lisa @ Serah’s´s last blog post..Sharing Ways to Go Green
I’ve learned it’s way better to avoid naming names and focus on the insight, story, or lessons, unless the names are relevant. If names are relevant for context, then I ask permission. I guess I’m not a paparazzi blogger.
J.D. Meier´s last blog post..Why Do You Do What You Do?
Hi Barbara – Another provocative subject! I think it’s always best to err on the side of discretion. Swarms can seemingly arise out of nowhere, and take on a life of their own. You do have to write what you know, but you don’t necessarily have to write who you know.
Betsy and Pete´s last blog post..HOW FAITHFUL ARE THY BRANCHES . . .
I’ve pretty much tended to use people’s initials, or give them another name altogether… even the people who don’t deserve to be protected!
And… there’s some topics I just won’t go near, or at least not without changing a number of details.
Heck, I don’t even blog under my real name, so it would be rude of me to use anyone else’s real name. 🙂
Svasti´s last blog post..Cosmetic surgery… the good kind
I’ve learned this lesson the hard way – not through my blog (which is only a few months old) but through online forums. People will come to me years later to ask whether their forum posts can be removed (which of course they can and will). But what is harder to remove is the trace they left in other people’s posts.
As a blogger I treat people I write about – usually people who ask me questions – depending on their online profile. Fellow bloggers or people who make $$ online should be happy with the link and feature, so I will mention them by their screen name (and give a link as well).
However other people asking questions will be treated as anonymous, even if they have given me permission to give their full name. I don’t want to have to go back to that post in a few years because that person realizes that the top results for a search on their name is a personal spiritual question. Which might not work so well for their career or personal life.
Since I’m more Internet literate than they are – I think it’s best to protect them from themselves.
katinka – spiritual´s last blog post..Activity & passivity – the value of ‘meditation’
Yes there are times when it’s appropriate to name names and there are times when it is not. It depends on the personal discernment of the blogger. I have no use for the personal gossip blogs and other sensationalist rags both online and off. To a certain extent we are what we read.
Everything counts and everything could come back to you. We all are at choice to be both wise and authentic. It’s really not that fine of a line.
Tom Volkar / Delightful Work´s last blog post..Pump Up Your Personal Power
IF I use names in my blog, I am 100% sure it is okay with the person being named.
I liked J.D. Meier’s response about focusing on the lesson or insight, not on the people involved. And even that can be tricky. It is important to remain ‘generic’. If you say “An A-list blogger did such and such that I didn’t like” you run a very serious risk of Voldemort Syndrome. In other words, by pointing to a person without naming them, the comments invarviably turn away from the message of the post to a guessing game on who He/She Who Must Not Be Named actually is.
Urban Panther´s last blog post..Complete job melt down
I try my best to follow the idea of, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” Rarely do I see situations where throwing around negative vibes creates anything beneficial for either party involved. Eric.
Eric Hamm´s last blog post..Enduring The Road To Success: Staying One Step Ahead Of The Competition
I don’t name names unless I ask for permission first.
I will reference someone’s blog post because I think once it’s been “blogged” it’s public record. However, personal names and things that happen off line or via email – the clients remain NAMELESS – good or bad.
Now I did get caught “grousing” about a graphic artist who left me hanging for two weeks waiting for a quote. My blog post is what prompted a response from him and boy was he ANGRY! I was really glad I hadn’t named him or linked to him because my “outing” of his poor business practice really upset him. (I was glad to be able to say, “Hey! If you see yourself in that post – then that’s not my fault. You’re not the only graphic artist with whom I work! It was him – but then again, it could have been two other guys with similar views on “deadlines”.)
Kathy @ Virtual Impax´s last blog post..Does your small business need to invest in yellow page advertising?
Hi Barbara – I guess it depends on the circumstances. I linked to a video exposing a blogger’s unethical practises last week. She had ripped me off, so I thought it was well deserved. Some people are still advertising her product, so she’s scamming them too.
I honestly don’t think there’s anywhere near enough exposure of some of these scammers online. There’s so many who have claimed to have made ridiculous amounts of money – just to persuade other people to subscribe to their blog, or buy their product. They’re harming a lot of people and they wouldn’t get away with it in the real world.
Cath Lawson´s last blog post..I’m Not A Bloody Fortune Teller But….
I don’t know for others, but for me personally, I don’t share names. I hate to even talk about family or significant other stories…I already know it would make them upset. They have a right to privacy, so I share as little as possible. I was writing a blog post about a situation and I starting writing an email asking the person if it was okay to share my story, even though it was really our story. I nixed it…didn’t send the email, didn’t write the post. Next. No I haven’t gossiped but I have added personal pictures of friends and family on my flickr account, they’ll probably die if they knew that, but hey, those are my pictures :). It’s never worth it though.
NaTuRaL´s last blog post..You’re So Vain You Probably Think This Post Is About You
Recently I was thinking about the meaning of “public figure.” There’s a specific definition of public figure in the offline world, which gives us the right to bash politicians publicly, but not our next door neighbors.
Liz Strauss said something like “Internet famous is not Oprah famous.” Being famous in the blogosphere doesn’t make you nearly as public as being famous on TV. So how does the concept of a public figure apply to the blogosphere? Many people find it acceptable to criticize A-listers in a way they never would for an up-and-coming blogger.
I think it’s good to be nice whenever possible, but there are times when it’s appropriate to name names. However, I think information shared via email should definitely not be posted publicly without permission.
Hunter Nuttall´s last blog post..Does Work Suck? Fix It With ROWE!
Hi Barbara. I have recently shared the personal story of a friend on my blog. I gave her the option of remaining anonymous and she chose not to. She is not a blogger and has been asking about it; this was the perfect opportunity for her to “play” in the comments section and feel excited about her work being published. She loved it!
I would never use a person’s information without their permission, and would only use it if I felt it could benefit the reader, not for gossip.
Davina´s last blog post..Future Self Meditation Invites Guidance
No one should ever be a fair game no matter if they are in the public eye or not.
We criticized the reporters or gossipers but we often fail to see that we are the audience who are demanding the gossips.
chris´s last blog post..I Shall Return
The first time I blogged I stopped precisely because of this issue. Being an absolute newbie I told everybody that I was to have this big journal online, and all I got was worried looks, so I just deleted the blog.
Now that I have a focus for blogging, it’s a non issue. If I am to draw something for life experiences I masquerade it in a story, often “improving” it 🙂
Miguel de Luis´s last blog post..See you December the 22nd
Hi Lisa – Happy Monday to you, too! Asking our friends and family if we can use their stories is a great idea. You’re showing them respect and are also blogging responsibly.
Hi J.D. You’re right. Names are not always relevant. Most of our visitors come to our blogs to read our lessons or insights. They don’t necessarily care what “specific person” inspired it.
Hi Kelvin – Great example! That’s key, isn’t it? “If someone doesn’t have an online presence”. In those instances we should show respect.
Hi Betsy – You’ve put that perfectly; “You do have to write what you know, but you don’t necessarily have to write who you know.”
Hi Svasti – Granted, some might not deserve to be protected, but as bloggers, we do have to ask, “do I want to be the one exposing him/her?”
Hi Katinka – What great insight – “I think it’s best to protect them from themselves.” I’m sure many will thank you years from now for being so cautious.
Hi Tom – That’s true, isn’t it? “To a certain extent, we are what we read”. And yes, “it” could come back to us.
Hi Panther – “‘Voldemort Syndrome?” That the first I’ve heard that terminology, however, I have seen that happen in comment sections.
Hi Eric – That’s an old saying that has stood the test of time; “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. It still hold true.
Hi Vered – Asking permission paves the way for us, doesn’t it?
Hi Catherine – You’ve raised a good point. If scammers are not exposed, they’ll continue ripping off others. That’s one of the things I like about online product reviews and blogs posts like you’ve written. Had I not read your experiences, I might be convinced to “sign up”, too.
Hi NaTuRal – I found that interesting how you used your gut and nixed writing the post. When we start questioning ourselves, that normally a sign to drop it.
Hi Kathy – I agree. If we are linking to another blog post or website, that’s already “public” information.
Wow! It sounds like your “grousing” hit a hot button with the guy. I’m sure your post was a great reminder that his business practices needed attention.
Hi Davina – What a great way for a non blogger to get a taste for what blogging is all about. That was kind of you to let her take part in addressing the comments.
Hi Chris – So true! “We criticized the reporters or gossipers but we often fail to see that we are the audience who are demanding the gossips.” and….buying the rags.
Hi Miguel – Yes, we can often “improve” a life experience and we and our readers can benefit from the “lesson”.
Hi Hunter – You’re right. Many will criticize A-listers, but not newer bloggers. And, although they may not have “Oprah” status offline, online they are the ones we often look up to.
I totally agree. Emails between bloggers should be kept confidential (unless permission is granted to share it).
Personal stories and experiences tend to the be the most powerful. When able I try to incorporate them into my blog posts. However, I’m also very careful not to name names. I didn’t ask person x or client y who was in my office if I could write a blog post about their situation.
There are other times when I’ll mention someone who is known, say Warren Buffett or I’ll do a review of a book. Here, I may be critical but I’m offering my review/opinion. What I’m not doing is blasting the individual for unfounded reasons. Additionally, as I’m doing a review another blogger may read my post and say “Neil’s on some cheap drugs, it’s time to out him” and proceed to write a post on my post.
It pays to be nice, but it also pays to be honest.
Neil´s last blog post..Boring Is Beautiful
Hi Neil – Great point. When we do book reviews, we need to be honest. Often it may sound like we’re being negative, but in order to build our credibility, we need to tell it like it is. I think readers understand that.
I try to be very careful and watch my step as I write, many times my stories or examples are from someone else’s life but I might piece it into my experience. I try to always ask permission and get someone else’s ok first.
I lost a job because of someone’s skillful manipulation of the truth and gossip in letters to my overseer….who did not ask me about it and I did not know it was going on (well, more than what was happening in my presence – had no idea it had gone so far) but then women in my position were the objects of some pretty bazaar and cruel discrimination tactics – mostly women provided the ammunition – we always had to join ranks to stop this action and being one of the first on the block was a very lonely position to be in.
I have learned to be as careful as I am able and then get on with my work or in one case call out it’s name and leave the position myself
Discrimination fueled by gossip is ugly and it leaves huge scars and soul damage …
Step carefully, be aware.
Patricia´s last blog post..Waiting
Hi Patricia – Isn’t that the truth? Gossip is ugly and can leave huge scars and soul damage. If we care about other human beings, we need to be careful not to use words that can hurt others.
Hi Bamboo – I love that. “We are our brother’s keepers”. That’s both offline and on.
Hi Dr. Nicole – I hear you. I don’t blame some for not wanting internet exposure either. It could be detrimental to some.
Gossiping is evil. When you ruin someone’s reputation, you have done serious damage.
I don’t talk about others on my blog. If I do, I do not give identifiable information.
We are our brothers’ keepers.
I try to always ask people if they even want me to quote them as a source. Some people just don’t want their name out on the internet for safety and privacy reasons….and sometimes- I don’t blame them!
Dr. Nicole´s last blog post..The Twenty Best Holiday Charities of 2008
Hi Evelyn – Definitely. Asking permission clears up a lot of misunderstandings.
I’d prefer not to use actual names unless I have the permission. Some people just prefers their privacy.
Evelyn Lim´s last blog post..How Validation Can Help You Attract Abundance
Thanks Barbara – I’m doing a huge review of affiliate marketing right now. Folk who sell affiliate marketing products never mention losing money due to unethical practises, or cookies being wiped by anti-virus software.
I’m losing out big time, so I’m doing a lot of research on which systems to avoid etc – then hopefully, I can stop my readers losing out too.
As you know – promoting other people’s products is a lot of work, so you deserve to get paid for it.
Cath Lawson´s last blog post..I’m Not A Bloody Fortune Teller But….
In most of my stories I talk about myself – and frequently make fun of myself. I’ve written nice things about people where I didn’t get permission first. They didn’t seem to mind 😉
There are things / people that I’ve wanted to write about it but didn’t because I didn’t think it would be fair.
Kim Woodbridge´s last blog post..Twitter Holiday Contest – Win a Free 2.7 Upgrade
Risky business nowadays. Several bloggers have been sued this year alone.
Dennis Edell´s last blog post..$100 First Prize! The *Best Blog Review Contest* Is In Full Effect!
Barbara – this is a great post. One of the things I’ve discussed with fellow Twitter users of late is the fact that an alarmingly small number of folks appear to understand that their Tweets do in fact appear all across the web!
You’d be amazed (but maybe not) at the stuff you can read … Gossip indeed!
Kevin Sandridge´s last blog post..Fed Makes History by Cutting Rate by 3/4 Percent – Markets Rally
On my old blog (one that never had the commnets option,) I once said something about Madonna never really having learned to act, which even though it was my truthful opinion, I realized a day later that it was not a nice thing to say and I have not gossiped since.
Jannie´s last blog post..Three Good Things
I rarely use names of the people I’m talking about, except for celebrities. And even if I’m talking about celebrities, I rarely point out any flaws even if that’s the thing on my mind. I like to keep in mind that I hope to be in the spotlight someday, and that very name I slander may be the one who helps get me there. So I don’t want to burn any bridges before I have the chance to cross them. That goes for family and friends even though I wouldn’t dare say anything bad about them, and if I did, it’s usually for a joke and they are well aware they are being called out. In fact, some appreciate the name dropping.