Archive for » March, 2010 «

Mar

When Dr. John Robinson was a guest on the Dr. Phil show he created a firestorm of comments when he said (not a direct quote)

… women have 30-40 hours of LEISURE time each week

But after interviewing a handful of mothers with young children, it was quite evident, Dr. Robinson would lose this argument.

After all, how can you argue with a mom who is up before the crack of dawn, carries a child on her hip as she does laundry, cooks, cleans, dusts and vacuums. Add to that the time she spends shuttling children from one activity to another, helps with their homework, tends to other family needs, maybe even holds down a full time job, plus tries to stay connected to friends and family. For her, leisure time seems elusive.

One guest admitted, “… I did it to myself!”

Her words resonated with me.

Today’s Lesson

Every blogger CHOOSES to blog.

Let face it, no one had a gun to our head saying, “you must blog”.

No.

Something in each of us drove us to put ourselves ‘out there”. Something inspired us to pick and learn a blogging platform, choose a topic(s) to write about, and continue to come back to our keyboards day after day, writing and hitting “publish”.

We make the choice whether to answer comments or not, visit other blogs or not, learn SEO (search engine optimization), or not, join social networks, or not. Plus much more.

But…every choice has a price.

Just like a mom who realizes by choosing to have babies, she’s giving up other aspects of her life, as bloggers we are choosing to give up “something”, too.

For me, other hobbies I’ve enjoyed in the past are now on the back burner. Reading a real book or just vegging on the couch are activities I don’t practice often. I find I cook and clean less, as well.

I sleep less, spend less time on gardening, go less, and talk on the phone less.

But you know what?

I have no regrets.

To blog was one of the best choices I’ve made in a long time.

What about you?

Today’s Assignment

When you chose to start a blog, what did you give up?

Do you regret it?

Care to share?

signature for blog post .

P.S. Dr. Robinson stated men also have the same amount of leisure time each week, however it appeared to come down to how each of us defines “leisure time”.

Category: Archives, Blogging, Blogging Lessons 70 Comments

Mar

Google Isn’t God

Barbara Swafford

When blogging, I often reread what Google includes in their Webmaster tools If you haven’t discovered it yet, it’s a wonderful resource for anyone who has a blog or website.

Two of their statements made me contemplate how I blog.

Participate in forums related to your blog topic. Many let you include your URL link in your automatic signature.

Contribute to web forums devoted to your subject matter

When reading blogging tips, I also see bloggers expand on this by saying “stick with those blogs in the same niche as us”. That way we may get reputable links back to us which confirm to Google, we too, are “worthy”, thus possibly increasing our page rank.

I get that.

Today’s Lesson

But, what fun is that?

I don’t know about you, but I certainly don’t want to read blogs in my niche all day long. For me, there’s more to my life than just “blogging”.

I like to visit blogs that help me grow as a person, sites which teach, show beautiful art or photography, share stories that make me laugh, share stories that make me cry, plus much more.

For example,

Nearly every Sunday you’ll find me visiting Lance at Jungle of Life. He finds fabulous quotes and then adds awesome photos to accompany them. It’s a great way to start the week; with a positive uplifting message.

Keith Davis writes about public speaking, and even though I’m not into public speaking nor think I’ll ever need the information, because I like to learn more about different topics, I’ll read his writings.

Many of you know Michigan is my home state, and when Betsy of Passing Thru shares stories of her travels to Michigan, I’m there; taking it all in.

For a laugh or a brain teaser, I love to check out Junk Drawer Kathy’s posts on ““What’s That Wednesday” So far I haven’t guessed any of them, but it’s still fun to try.

Sara Healy always makes “Picture Story” posts fun by sharing a photo and inviting her readers to imagine what might be happening or contribute their experiences. Those are always a blast for me as I get to be goofy or am reminded of days gone by.

I’ve been following Silly Girl’s blog for quite some time now. She is a recovering anorexic. Eating disorders have never plagued me, but once I started reading her blog, her stories captured me to the extent I now not only follow her progress to recovery, buy enjoy keeping up on her life, as well.

And Hilary. Each post of hers is like a mini history lesson. I’ve learned more from her blog than I learned from all of the history classes I took in school.

So where am I going with this?

I’m not saying we shouldn’t visit and comment on blogs in our niche, but by expanding my horizons I’ve found I have not only learned more about other topics and have grown as a person, and in the process have met dozens of awesome bloggers.

As I was responding to a comment by Kaye Tench on the “The Secret That Keeps Us Blogging” post, I was also reminded of how when we meet and get to know other bloggers and learn what they do, not only do we get a feel for their capabilities, but we often become their biggest supporters when they launch a new site, product or ebook. And they, for us.

To me, that’s a win-win.

Today’s Assignment

What about you?

Do you take Google’s advice and only stick with blogs and/or forums in your niche?

Or do you frequent blogs that challenge you, surprise you, or help you in other ways?

signature for blog post .

P.S. When commenting, if you’d like to add links to blogs which have become your favorites, please feel free to do so. However, keep in mind, adding links may throw your comment into moderation, so be patient as I dig them out.

Category: Archives, Blogging, Blogging Lessons, Page Rank 67 Comments

Mar

Warning! Online Bullies Hide Behind Their Words

Barbara Swafford

Good Day Class,

Today we have the honor of having TWO substitute teachers (guest writers). They are the ladies behind the popular ebook, “The Narcissist – A User Guide” and are also known as blog authors, Betsy of Passing Thru and Lori of Think Like A Black Belt.

For some time now, the three of us have been discussing how not only in real life, but in cyberspace, narcissists exist. Because Lori and Betsy are what I consider experts on this topic, I asked them to write more about what we need to watch for, as well as how we can protect ourselves from toxic relationships when blogging.

Take your seats, have a listen and at the end please feel free to raise your hand and share your experiences, or ask a question.

Without further ado,

Ladies….the floor is yours.

Hello Everyone –

Thanks to Barbara for the opportunity to post on BWAB! Barbara has enthusiastically supported our e-book, The Narcissist: A User’s Guide, since we launched – more than 500 downloads ago!

Today’s Lesson

We three have each observed narcissists manipulating situations online, where it can be easier for people to mask who they really are.

But narcissistic tactics don’t really change, online or off.

People who exhibit narcissistic behaviors inevitably create problems:

stonewalling progress with unreasonable demands;
amplifying our insecurities with “feedback”;
promoting unfounded criticism;
attempting to marshal a group to curry consensus.

A narcissist is always a tactician. The narcissist’s telltale modus operandi is manipulation, using language, rank, status, appearances, intelligence, or emotions. They’re after others to feed their ego and confirm their superiority. The dark side of dealing with a narcissist is that they rationalize, shift blame, and belittle.

Interacting with a narcissist can be extremely detrimental, even for short periods of time. If you seek any sort of relationship-based depth or fulfillment with a narcissist, you’ll be disappointed.

THREE RED FLAGS THAT SIGNAL NARCISSISM

1. “I’M RIGHT AND YOU’RE WRONG”

The communication comes across like a lecture. The tone is parental, condescending, or reeks of “I’m the expert.” BUT, interwoven in the mix to keep you off your game will be:

Rationalizations that use emotional manipulation — “You know how your emotions can get out of control.”
Belittling remarks meant to minimize — “I’m sure you meant well, but …”
Doctoring the truth — “All my life, I’ve done nothing but try to help you …”
Personal attacks and blame-shifting — “I can’t believe you think that! You’re the one who wouldn’t help me.”
Fallacious reasoning– “Just last week, I talked you up and now you act like this?”

2. CONTROL IS EVERYTHING

To a narcissist, winning an argument once is not enough. They assess what causes you to back down. They’re evaluating your suitability for grooming toward the position of sidekick. Such lackeys eventually push the narcissist’s agenda as well. Sidekicks see themselves as helping others realize how wonderful and/or misunderstood the narcissist is.

Control can range from cunning subtlety to targeted and direct, as with narcissistic rage. Look for attempts to control:

Attitude that you need them to look out for you — “To help you out, I told the board members you’re a team player.”
Insistence that you apologize — “A real man has the guts to apologize. I shouldn’t even have to ask you for one.”
Put-downs that confer their superior expertise — “How many years have you put into this — all of two?”
Out of proportion response — “How dare you try to set boundaries with me?”
Withholding information as inducement — “When you get your promotion, I’ll clue you in.”

3. YOUR INVESTMENT IS NEEDED

Narcissists can’t do what they do by themselves. They must convince others to buy in. Tactics to get you to invest:

Exploiting a weakness or “hot button” — “Remember when you felt bad about that blog comment? I can help you.”
Training you to hunger for approval — “I think you’d do a better job if you put in more effort.”
Wearing hurts and rejections you must honor — “I can’t believe they treated me this way, can you?”
Expecting you to go along without objection — “I’ll drive us to the airport and then…”
Continually reminding of their successes — “When I was new with this company, I won the award for …”

Narcissists use language as a tool to manipulate others for attention, whether negative or positive, which they will utilize to their advantage.

Online you might encounter a narcissist on their website, pontificating to their heart’s content. Other times, a narcissistic person will “troll” in comments sections and forums, stirring up controversy or hijacking threads.

Sensing narcissistic probes and tactics can be as simple as:

realizing there’s an agenda -“I’m not a doctor, but my medical training tells me you are wrong …”
recognizing manipulation – I want to know what you think about this because it could impact you …”
hearing your instinct that says something isn’t quite *right.* (“I am not used to your thinking process. Let me explain …”)

Not everyone who says things like the statements above is a full-blown narcissist. Many people have sought to promote their self-interest more aggressively at times. When you consistently feel at a disadvantage over an ever-lengthening time period, you have a right and a responsibility to yourself. Put things on suspension, and redirect in favor of healthier interactions.

Narcissism isn’t about a single sentence said — or written — but a pattern of behavior.

The Internet is a wonderful place to collaborate, access opportunities, or find community. But we don’t have to deal with behavior online that we wouldn’t stand for a minute in real life.

Today’s Assignment

Have you suspected you might have encountered a narcissist online?

Does anyone have additional examples of narcissistic comments or tactics?

How can we ensure our online interactions are healthy, meaningful and beneficial?

Care to Share?

Betsy of PassingThru, and Lori, author of Think Like a Black Belt the blog and ebook by the same name, met via blogging and joined forces after realizing they had both encountered and dealt with narcissists in their lives. In the hope of helping others, they collaborated on “The Narsiccist: A Users Guide” ebook, a fabulous resource which is free to download. Just click on the book to receive your free copy and learn how to deal with or end the toxic relationships in your life.